Still thankful...

I look back at my last post entitled "Thankful No Matter What". I was commenting on the fact that I had poison ivy and had missed some school, and that even with that going on, I was still thankful. At the time of writing that, I was really itchy and annoyed and just wanted to be at school with my students. Looking back now, I think to myself, what was there to not be thankful for? Poison ivy seems MINUSCULE compared to what my family is facing now. A dear friend lent me the book "Zen Wrapped in Karma, Dipped in Chocolate" written by Brad Warner, a fellow Akronite and Zen Master. This book is really helping me cope with all of the hurdles in my life right now and helping me to see clearly through the struggles that we are faced with (he also makes me laugh on practically every single page). In the first chapter he says that "There is something very profound, perhaps we can even say holy, in every human being. We all have access to this something every moment of every day, but most of us will live our entire lives without even suspecting that it even exists". Isn't that empowering? Don't you want to delve within and find that inner holiness that you have? I know I do. Its also a good reminder that no matter how bad someone is, there is something uniquely wonderful about them. I am seeing these "holy" characteristics in my family on a daily basis. My mom and dad are a nonstop never ending supply of energy, support, and advocacy. My sister is the single most positive and graceful healer that I have ever witnessed in my life. She shows me on a DAILY BASIS what it means to be brave...seriously, shes incredible.

So, as I continued to read the book today, the author delved into the concept of death and the Zen Buddhist explanation. He explains that they do not believe in the whole heaven/hell philosophy nor do they believe in reincarnation. He used an amazing analogy to describe life and death as a Zen Buddhist. Here goes: "Our lives are like bubbles on the surface of a river. When those bubbles pop, their existence as that bubble is over once and for all, yet they were really just expressions of the river, and the river still flows." Now...death is a scary and unwelcome concept for me. I try to think about it as infrequently as possible, but this explanation is very peaceful to me. It helps ease the anxiety that comes with the thought of death. All religions attempt to come up with an explanation for death that will reassure their followers, and I must say that this is one of the first descriptions of death that actually comforts me.

The final thing that I read about tonight was pertaining to disappointment. I read this part of the book and decided that it was time to leave the coffee shop and head home because if I read anymore then I would start forgetting the valuable things that I had read. Its time to digest. What he said about disappointment is that "Zen practice can help you deal with disappointment by showing you that all of life is characterized by disappointment. Nothing ever lives up to your expectations, no matter what your expectations are. This doesn't mean that you are never disappointed. But you know that disappointment is just the action of your brain readjusting itself to reality after discovering that things are not the way that you thought they were. The best course of action when encountering disappointment is to know you now understand the situation better than you did before when all you had to go on was your thoughts. There is no sense wallowing in sadness that you were mistaken. You are fortunate, in fact, that you're now better equipped to move forward realistically."

This journey that I am on with my family is one that is bound to be filled with ups and downs. The ups are AMAZING and the downs need to be treated just like these Buddhists handle disapointment. It is what it is...we need to readjust our lense and work with what we've got. Negativity is not an option for us right now. My mom told me once that "an expectation is a pre-meditated resentment". When you set yourself up for one thing to occur and it doesn't, you have a choice...readjust your expectations for your reality or be resentful. I think you know what the better choice is!

I love you all and your support is healing for both me and my family. I love you and I LOVE THIS LIFE!